Seeing The Pain of Others

I was listening to Katelyn Schiess’ interview with Sharon Hodde Miller on the Holy Post podcast, episode #677, about the new edition of Sharon’s book Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It’s Not About You. I have not read the book, though it sounds intriguing. It addresses issues of insecurity and how one cannot break free of those insecurities unless they can break free of their self-absorption. From the interview, I could tell Sharon was describing something we all struggle with, rather than pointing a finger at someone or some particular group of people.

In the interview, she talked a lot about “church hurt” and how you should not let that define you or drive you away from the church. Sharon used an interesting illustration. She pointed out that when someone has a broken ankle, the ankle gets special treatment and attention. For a while, protecting that ankle is of vital importance and requires careful monitoring.

However, when it gets better, the ankle doesn’t remain the focal point of the whole body. She was tying this illustration into what she had said about “church hurt.” It is like that ankle injury. When you are newly hurt, it is okay to focus on your healing, but once you are better, you need to start moving on.

Sharon’s metaphor works because the assumption is that pain gets better. As time passes, the ankle doesn’t hurt as much and no longer requires as much attention. Sharon is saying that we in the church, like all people, tend to make everything about ourselves when we are speaking from our pain, but that it should not be that way perpetually. However, Sharon’s metaphor does not work if the ankle (or whatever part of the body) never heals.

This creates a dilemma for people with chronic illness and/or pain. The pain may never subside, and it often gets worse. It constantly demands attention, turning our reality into one that is focused on self out of necessity or preservation. Our entire world can become consumed by our latest grievance with a doctor, friend, or family member. They often add insult to injury and sometimes even injury to injury. How can we continue to serve as disciples of Jesus if our focus is so inward, and how do we acknowledge pain without amplifying its impact?

If we do not want our pain to be our identity, then we cannot focus only on our pain. Even the injured ankle that improves does not receive all the focus during the healing process. The rest of the body must still be cared for, and this is true even if the ankle never got better.

Of course, we cannot ignore or diminish how life-altering our conditions are, but we need focal points that bring us out of our self-absorption trap. Communities rooted in Christ help us focus on other hurting people and ways to minister to them through prayer and compassion. A ministry that does nothing more than focus on the individual’s pain cannot help hurting people continue to follow Jesus by loving God and others as he commanded us to do.

Broken and Mended is committed to not only ministering to individuals in pain, but to helping others find Christ-like community that restores a balanced perspective on our pain and gives us opportunities to minister to other hurting people.

The theme for our free virtual conference (registration required) on Oct. 18^th is “Broken Apart, Mended Together.” When we are apart from one another, we remain broken apart like pottery smashed on a concrete floor. In this conference, we will acknowledge the very real suffering and grief you are enduring and honor you for holding on to your faith through the fire, but we will also seek to remind us all that we are part of something larger than ourselves. May our horizons be expanded beyond our pain to see the pain and brokenness of others and to realize that only together can we be truly mended.  

David Heflin

Executive Director

David Heflin is the founder, former president, and current executive director for Broken and Mended. He is married to Katie and has three kids. David was a preacher for over 20 years until he stepped down to focus fully on the mission of Broken and Mended. He started Broken and Mended in 2018 after being inspired by his own battle with chronic pain to connect other hurting people to Jesus and each other. David has a B.A. in Bible from Oklahoma Christian University and a Master of Arts in Religion from Azusa Pacific University. He resides in Woodward, OK.

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