Waiting For a Sign

I recently witnessed a fictional scientist (Walter, from the television series Fringe) weep because he never received a sign from God that he was forgiven for nearly destroying two universes. If you think you’ve messed up, you haven’t torn apart two universes!

As far-fetched as the plot may sound, the portrayal of guilt, shame, and the need for forgiveness is something we can all relate to. Walter shares this pain with someone who was grievously impacted by his actions, Elizabeth, and then she speaks life-altering words: “Walter, I forgive you, and if I can forgive you, God certainly can.”

Walter wanted some visible–and maybe even miraculous sign–but he received that sign in a far more impactful way: embodied forgiveness. Signs point beyond themselves to a greater reality. Elizabeth’s forgiveness was the sign that enabled Walter to know the capacity and willingness of God to forgive even the most disastrous of deeds.

Many people with chronic illness are waiting for a sign that God has not abandoned them — and they often assume that sign will look like healing. They ask for God’s healing fervently and repeatedly, and when it doesn’t come, they conclude something must be wrong with them. They begin to blame themselves for their own illness. They question every action or non-action: If only I had gone to the doctor sooner. If only I had paid better attention to my diet, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. If only I had more faith, I could be healed.

I meet many Walters. Perhaps they believe their sins are forgiven yet still blame themselves for their illness or injury. Perhaps you are a Walter. You think your suffering came about because it’s what you deserve. Some people may have implied the same or even directly blamed you because you got sick and aren’t better yet.

My friend, chronic illness is a tough enough path to walk without believing the lies of others (often well-meaning but based on their own insecure faith), and don’t believe the ones you tell yourself when you are most vulnerable to self-accusation. Scripture tells us that when God forgives us, he removes our sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12).

And if you are looking for a sign, he has already given us one. Jesus told a crowd gathering around him as his crucifixion drew near:

Now is the judgment of this world. Now the ruler of this world will be cast out. As for me, if I am lifted up from the earth I will draw all people to myself.” He said this to indicate what kind of death he was about to die (John 12:31-33, CSB).

The gospel of John emphasizes signs that point to greater realities of what God is doing through Jesus Christ. Though the word sign is not used in this text, Jesus intends for his death on the cross to be seen as a sign that the “ruler of this world will be cast out.” The ruler who is cast out is Satan, the accuser. When Jesus dies on the cross, it is both the means and the sign by which we are forgiven, and the Accuser is defeated. So don’t let yourself or others do to you what Satan has already lost the right to do.

In fact, give yourself some credit for holding on to your faith in the same kinds of storms that have chased others away. Shannon Cramer, author of How to Keep Believing When You’re Suffering encouraged me with these helpful words:

Sometimes it takes an even greater miracle of faith to keep believing in God’s goodness when your prayers go unanswered. It takes courage to look beyond the disappointment of your weaknesses to value God’s strength. It takes perseverance when you are worn out by suffering to keep reaching for your Father in an effort to trust his promises. The measure of your faith is not whether you receive healing–it is in how you walk with God through life’s challenges (p. 52).

There’s no need to look for a sign greater than the cross to validate God’s love and acceptance of you. Maybe Shannon’s words above are exactly what you need to hear and lay claim to. Sometimes we all need to hear Elizabeth’s words to Walter, “If I can forgive you, God certainly can.” God not only showed us that he can forgive us when Jesus was lifted up on that cross—he showed us that forgiveness is an accomplished fact for all who trust in his Son.

David Heflin

Executive Director

David Heflin is the founder, former president, and current executive director for Broken and Mended. He is married to Katie and has three kids. David was a preacher for over 20 years until he stepped down to focus fully on the mission of Broken and Mended. He started Broken and Mended in 2018 after being inspired by his own battle with chronic pain to connect other hurting people to Jesus and each other. David has a B.A. in Bible from Oklahoma Christian University and a Master of Arts in Religion from Azusa Pacific University. He resides in Woodward, OK.

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